Monthly Archives: January 2014

How I found my father at age 27

Hi and welcome everyone! The Sunflowerknights are finally online! I have great hopes for this site!

Let me start by sharing the very first story with you: mine.

* Some of the names in this story were altered or not mentioned to respect the anonymity of the key characters in this story, namely my mother and my father.

I was born in 1969. My mother, a white French-Canadian from Quebec City met a young man from the DR Congo, Africa.

She got pregnant with me at the tender age of 19 years old. The man was in Quebec City attending Laval University in connection with an internship in civil engineering. He left Canada and found out my mother was pregnant with his child shortly after.

Though they corresponded for a short while, it quickly became a reality that my mother would be single with a mixed-raced kid at the end of the 60s. She got married to a white French Canadian man 2 years later and had 2 other boys. She remained married for 5 years until she asked for a divorce an ended up with an estranged ex-husband.

We were then 3 boys raised by a single-mother.

In 2 or 3 occasions, which I cannot recall exactly, between 1988 and 1995, I attempted to connect with my African father. Once by writing to the DR Congo embassy and once in person during a visit to Ottawa in the mid 1990s. None of my attempts led to anything.

During the Winter Semester 1996, in my 3rd year as a student at Ryerson University in Toronto, I attended an oral communication class that would set the stage to a fateful event. We had been asked to make an oral presentation on a subject of choice. I chose ‘The Importance of a father in a child’s life’.

I did some research through which I have learned that ‘a father’ (or a father-figure as fatherly-like authority is a role sometimes played by the mother) is important as it is a window onto the world and the work market for the child to get prepared to enter. Fatherly authority symbolizes conditional love as opposed to motherly care which fosters unconditional love. So as a general statement, fathers prepare children to face a world which will like and recognize them for what they achieve rather than what they are.

My presentation to the class was very emotional and I could hardly keep tears away by the time it was over.

(more…)

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